3rd Chair Trombone

BLAGOJEVICH GOES TOO FAR (JD)

Nuts (TS)

PRESIDENT-ELECT TEACHES DEFEATED, ROBOTIC FOE HOW TO CLAP (JD)

FDA WARNING (JD)

The FDA is alerting consumers to possible salmonella contamination in products made with peanuts from a Georgia peanut processing facility.  A partial list:

*Keebler's Peanut Butter-flavored Elf Lotion

 

*Sara Lee’s Peanut Butter ‘n’ Salmon Croquettes

*Austin Quality Foods' Peanut Butter & Chocolate Lick-Mittens

*Cap’n Crunch w/ Peanut Butter-flavored Scurvy Balls

*The food-cart at the gravesite of George Washington Carver

*Peanut Butter Diet Dr. Pepper

*The Kennedy Clan’s "Homemade Peanut Buttah... for Sandwiches and Such"

*McDonald’s McDonaldland Nut Dust Cookies

*Dr. Scholl’s Peanut Butter Inserts

*Marvel Comics’ Spider-Man Issue #1412, “The Amazing Spider-Man vs. The Cost-Efficient Sack Lunch.”

*Nabisco’s Magical Peanut Butter Pants (all sizes)

*Honeybaked Hams’ Peanut Butter-dipped Half-Hock

*Jimmy Carter

*Smucker’s Peanut Butter-flavored Jelly

*Ace Hardware’s Bathroom Caulk & Sticky-Sweet Sandwich Spread

*Land ‘o’ Lakes Butter (may contain peanuts)

*Those cookies left over from the Christmas Party that Theresa put in the breakroom because she foolishly thought someone would eat them.

*Kenner’s Peano Bootrus, Bounty Hunter -- “Star Wars” action figure

*STP’s Peanut Butter Fuel Injector Cleaner

*FDA Jan 2009 Peanut Butter Salmonella Outbreak Warning PDF

*Taco Bell’s Mucho Macho Peanut Butter Crunch Grilled Stuft Burrito

*Planters’ 16 oz. jar of Mr. Peanut’s Diseased Right Eyes

*Dame Judi Dench’s All-Natural Peanut Butter Bath-Slather

*Reese’s Peanut Butter Athletic Cups

*Your lunch

What a bum you are, clown. (TS)

Here now, a brief compilation of clips assembled from one of my all time favorite martial arts films.  MASTER WITH CRACKED FINGERS (formerly titled SNAKE FISTED NINJA).  

Back in early college, a single scene from this movie helped begin my love affair with what Blockbuster once referred to as "Le Bad Cinema."  The domino parlor scene (also available in its entirety on Youtube) was a combination of poorly realized comic relief, some creative ADR choices and a dappling of scat humor. This is by no means an exhaustive collection of joys from the film...just a taste.  So get out your chopsticks and dig in with me, won't you?  

Let's us all get our mojo goin'. 

Ex Khan (BH)

In loving memory of Mr. Roarke, who just took the plane, the plane to heaven, I give you this rehash of old 3CT goodness.  Today, our shields are at half mast, and our phasers set on bummed.

http://3rdchairtrombone.typepad.com/my_weblog/2005/07/justice_khan_to.html

Guns (TS)

Witness the chilling moment for yourself in this beautifully awkward local commercial.

Super Broker Shuffle (TS)

From the "3rd Chair Trombone is once again late to the party" files, we bring you a video you well may have seen already.  See it again, for the first time.

A Customer Message from John Stumpf, President and CEO, Wells Fargo & Company (BH)

To our customers:

I’m sure you have heard the news. Wachovia is now part of Wells Fargo & Company. We’re very excited about combining our two companies because together we want to be able to provide you even more convenience, value and service than you’ve ever had before.

Together, Wells Fargo and Wachovia create the nation’s premier coast–to–coast financial services presence – approximately 280,000 team members, 48 million customers, 11,000 stores in 39 states and the District of Columbia, 12,000 ATMs, $1.4 trillion in assets, and $774 billion in deposits. We are proud to announce we have successfully absorbed one another’s financial capital to create the most high profile harbinger of massive economic doom ever conceived by thinking men.  By joining our businesses as one, we can ensure that our inevitable collapse will create the most widespread economic death imaginable.  And we’ll do it efficiently.  But this is not about being the biggest mistake this side of Eden, when mankind sank to the level of the snake with a single taste of forbidden knowledge. This is about being better. Better for our communities. Better for our shareholders.  Better for you.

As we integrate our two companies, it will mostly be business as usual for our customers. That is, until that day, and it will come, when you want to withdraw a twenty to purchase ice cream with your daughter, and you can’t because, to your weeping-eyed astonishment, you discover that the meltdown has already begun.  Then, gripping your child closely, you witness in horror those institutions which once provided social stability -- government, church, marriage -- topple one-by-one into the sea, leaving a spiritual vacuum in the hearts of men that can only be sated by un-premeditated murder and consumption of your neighbors amidst an ashen landscape of unspeakable human grief.  Until that time, however, please continue using your Wells Fargo bank accounts, credit cards, ATM/check cards, checks, and your regular banking office as you normally would.  And during this historic transition, please enjoy our latest benefit. Announcing: Wells Fargo and Wachovia customers can now use over 12,000 ATMs with no access fees.  It’s the least we can do before everything that you’ve ever known of comfort is buried in the rubble of an unstoppable, all-consuming global catastrophe, begun by our hand.

There are many more exciting developments to come that can provide you with even greater value and convenience. We’ll keep you well informed about changes that might affect you, until, of course, we can't, because all forms of mass communication have been silenced by the engulfing flames of white-pure heavenly judgment.

Thank you for your support and for your business.

Sincerely,

John Stumpf
President and CEO

Wells Fargo & Company

PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA NOMINATES GREAT GAZOO AS SECRETARY OF HHS (JD)

CHICAGO -- Today, President-elect Barack Obama officially nominated The Great Gazoo as Secretary of Health and Human Services and named him the Director of a new White House Office on Health Care Reform.  "The Great Gazoo's wisdom, insight and discretion has been vital to me and this transition team as we have sought a path towards bipartisanism and change.  He's been invaluable.  As we seek to repair this country's failing health care system, I can think of no one greater than Gazoo to helm this department as we face this challenge.  Also, Gazoo oversaw similar reform on his home planet of Zatox until, of course, he accidentally created a doomsday machine.  At this time, I will take a few questions.  Wow... lot of hands...."

HISTORIC DAY (JD)

Today, in the Oval Office, President Bush and President-Elect Obama met with all of the living ex-presidents and Cookie Monster.