3rd Chair Trombone

ME AND JORTS, BARBADOS (JD)

After a ceremony in Iowa, we whisked ourselves away to Bridgetown.  This is me, spying the sno-cone man.  Jorts said no.  What a grump!

The Omniscient Tattler for April 20, 2009 (TS)

Here's what you're thinking today in Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming:

"I wonder what all this looked like when the pioneers drove through here?  Man, must have really been a sight to see back then."  

--Henry Manworth 

"Instead of Outward Bound, they should really call this program Inward Bound, because I'm learning a lot about myself through this experience."

--Buddy Williams

"We should have stopped at that Wendy's.  Now I'm going to be thinking about a double with cheese this whole camping trip, instead of how to make Frannie's death look like an accident."

--Jim Guiles 

"No one listens to my ideas.  Wait a minute.  If there is a God, He's listening, right?  Dear God, it's me, Morrie.  Are you there?  If so, I have this great idea for a device that allows you to run your computer keyboard through the dishwasher. What do you think?" 

--Morrie Sanderson

"I'm not afraid of raccoons anymore.  But I am afraid of what they could lead to."

--Ranger Andrew Nelson

"If the guys at Jackson Hewitt could see me now!  They would say, Bill, you are one crazy guy!  Keep it up!  Yeah...they'd say something like that.  If they remember my name."  

--Bill Bozell

"I wonder if we'll see any cougars in Yellowstone.  Whoa, that works on two levels!  Huh.  Still, I wonder if they have prostitutes in Yellowstone?"

--Craig Leekers

"I am seriously getting laid at the park ranger cotillion formal tomorrow night."

--Ranger Phil Luchinski

"Nobody will miss one fish.  Or one certain backpacker who couldn't keep his mouth shut."

--Tom Norman

"When Ed goes to sleep, I'll masturbate quietly in my sleeping bag." 

--Donald Chen

"If a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to hear me scream when it lands on me, will I be able to save my leg?  Oh God, the pain is unbearable."

--Wendy Pulcheski

"What's a hot fudge sundae doing out in the middle of the woods?"

--Mary Dennison

"Only you can prevent forest...farts. Hey, that's not bad.  Gotta remember that one."

--Zander Thomas

HAP GENTRY IS LOOKING FORWARD TO SUMMER MOVIES! (JD)

Hap Gentry

3867 Becker St.

Garage Apartment 4a

c/o Dr. and Mrs. Burke Gentry (my dad and mom)

Des Moines, IW 50304

[email protected]

 

People in Hollywood

(for all the numbers on) Hollywood Avenue

Hollywood, CAL 90210 

 

Today April 2009

 

To Whom It May Concern of the People Who Make Movies In Hollywood California (Not Hollywood Florida):

First off thanks for entertaining me all the time!  You guys are all the best!  I know I’m not always easy to entertain and sometimes i get sleepy when I try to watch three seasons of Bones on DVD in one night, but you keep going don’t you?  I mean it, how do you do it?  (You can write a letter back Hollywood, answering that question if you want.)  You guys just keep coming with more newer shows and movies that I watch and sometimes rewatch when I forget that I’ve already seen them.  Did I mention I write movies and tV shows too?  I do a lot of the time.  Maybe you’ve received some of my spec scripts (E.R., 24, Lost) (spec stands for speculation or spectacular depending on what you think of my scripts).  By the way, Hollywood, if you did receive those scripts, I’m still waiting for your response on giving me a job.  If you didn’t receive them, tell me and I’ll email you.  Anyway, I digest.  Let’s get back to the topic of you doing so good at entertaining me with everything.

They’re calling this summer the Summer of 2009 and I can’t hardly wait on it!  Why are you may be asking?  Because of all of the great movies that your’e going to make for me to see that’s why!  Get ready because I’m going to see as many of them as I can afford using that $25 Cinemark gift card my Aunt Janice gave me for Easter (minus $4.95 I spent off of it for a box of Sugar Babies one day when I got hungry on the way home from work).  I’m gonna spend my summer in the dark!  And not just as night!  But I mean sitting in a movie theater watching movies!  (Unless I go to the Cinemark in Glenwood, because sometimes they leave the lights on if it’s a kids movie but that’s okay.)

I can’t wait to tell you what I think about your Summer Movies so I’m going to!  I haven’t seen these yet but these are the ones i’m thinking might be good for me to see some time if they play in my town (I can’t see the artsy ones because Des Moines doesn’t have an arthouse movie theater, but they did show Crank 2 so maybe there’s hope.)  Here it goes!

Fast and/& Furious

I already saw this on video at my sister’s old boyfriends house.  I guess this is a remake with the same actors or just a “re-re-lease”.  Either way I’m in because I like cars and since I take the bus alot this is kind of movie “gets my motor running” (I told you I’m a writer see!).

The Hanna Ray Cyrus Movie

She’s a real cutey pie.  I used to watch her when our cable box broke and we only got the Disney channel for a month.  I know the show is for kids, but I figured out pretty early on that Hanna Montana and Hanna Cyrus were the same person so some of the PUNCH was taken out of it for me, but I’d still go see this movie.  (Glenwood Cinemark would definitely leave the lights on for this one, but I’d just wear my sunglasses.)

 

Wolverine

Another remake!  That’s okay because I loved the first three times they remade this one.  It stars Hew Jackman (but you know that Hollywood because you made it!) and he’s so ripply with muscles that I want to go to the gym and get a membership and then go work out there.  I think this remake is about finding out where he got his spikes from and how he turns into Freddie Kruger.  But I may be wrong.  I try not to watch the trailers because I’m afraid of “spoilers” which are scenes that are for adults only.  

 

Star Trek

I think George Lucas has done it again!  This remake though is all done with TEENAGERS!  I think this is a great idea and is a lot like my spec script for a movie I want you (Hollywood) to make that’s a re-do of 1984's "City Heat" except with ONLY KIDS.  Also, the film crew would only be kids!  Maybe next Summer, huh?

 

 

 

 

 

Angles and Demons

I remember reading about this book at the bookstore on a sign.  It’s a re-make of the Davinchi Codes which was a big hit movie starring Tom Hanks (playing the same character he plaid in Saving Private Ryan).  This time he’s becoming the pope and even though I’m not Catholic (I don’t like how communion tastes) this is one I’d “convert” on over to the Cinemark to “worship.”  (Writing!)

 

 

Terminators Salvation

Another religious movie.  This remake is all about how a Terminator became Mayor of Your Fine State of California I think.  It stars Batman as a guy who has to save the world from being destroyed after Armageddon.  I read a internet rumor that said he may be a robot in the end but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to cuss out his crew.  (This would NOT work on my "City Heat" With Kids re-make because kids can’t hear that kind of language without getting upset.  I know because well let’s put it this way, don’t “borrow your dad’s car to run over a fire hydrant when your nine years old and also spill Hi-C drink box juice all over the radio.”)  Terminators is directed by Mick Gee.

 

 

Night of the Museum at the Smithsonian: 2

I always promised myself when I was fifteen that if Robin Williams kept making movies I would keep seeing them.  So this is one I have to see cause I SO want to.  Also, did I tell you about my spec script for Robin Williams making a guest appearance on “House, D.R.” where he plays Patch Addams?  Remind me to tell you about it when you invite me out there for my meeting.

 

 

Up

Pizar’s done it again with another great website for a movie!  Hot on the heals of “Shark’s Tale,” Pizar gets ready to make a million dollars by making an adult movie for kids!  That’s one thing I like to do in the summertime: sit in a theater and relax with a movie that's just for kids and is totally spoiler-free.  And with a medium Code Red Mountain Dew/Sprite suicide mix.

 

Harry Potters and the One Where Somebody Important Dies (I’m not saying WHO it IS!)

When this movie comes out I want to go “ride my broom” and see it.  I won’t have to ask my “Weedgie Board” if I should -- it’ll say YES NOW!  I’m going to “wiz”(ard) in my pants I’ll be so excited about seeing it!  (This is the kind of stuff I write in comedy spec movies scripts and also in drama ones when some of the “tension” needs to be “let go of” so the audience can “have a break” from all that “drama”.)  Also, they should turn these Harry Potters movies into books so I can read all about them when I’m not watching them.

 

 

Transformers Again

I’ll tell you a story Hollywood: when I was a kid, I used to play with little metal cars that I would take apart with a screwdriver and vice grips and then I would put them back together in the shape of robots.  So there you go: I saved a lot of money by not buying Transformers.  That doesn’t mean I won’t see this movie that I hear is a “re-boot” of the original that came out last year.  This time, though, I hear there’s a girl-car and some of the boy cars “spoil” her.  R-rated for sure!

 

Well!  The Enteraintment Weekly at Dr. Reynold’s office that’s the Summer Movie Preview had half of the July and all of the August pages ripped out of it so that’s all the movies I can tell you about how I excited I am for!  

Hollywood, seriously, thanks a lot for what you do for me, for us, and for our country.  We owe you a det of gratitude that’s bigger than the national det.  Trillions.  

So, take this letter and just pin it up on the breakroom bulletin board so everyone can know that at least one guy here in America likes what you guys are up to.  Also, so everyone in Hollywood can know that I still have my spec scripts and one of them is a new one for that Bones show that I watch on DVD at night when my folks let me use their LCD-HD-TV tv.  

Gotta go cause the letter’s over.  Let me know if I can send you more stuff.

Sincerly to whom it may concern:

 

Hap Gentry

Guest Poster (A Cricket)

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